Profoundly Random

Intuition [part one] — Discernment

I’m sure this is going to end up being a part of a series, hence the reason for the {Part One} in the title. What can I say? Retrospect is a bitch and hindsight is always 20/20.

So, this thing we have called intuition. Amazing in a creepy, condescending way, right? Well, at least my inner voice is… probably because I never listen to her.

According to a quick Google search, intuition is defined as “a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning”.

Around last year this time I went on a trip to Panama with friends; I knew that certain decisions I made were bad ideas. I knew before we even arrived on the beach front that once I started feeling things I didn’t know how to process, I would turn to the bottle and run away. Who doesn’t want to truly “not give a fuck”? Best feeling in the world until you start coming down.

I could go into detail the trip and how my emotions skewed and how I had difficulty holding on to the hard work I had done grounding myself before this all started; however, that’s not the reason for this post.

In the end, I didn’t get any art, yoga, or reading done. And as if there was some sort of divine punishment in line for me not doing the things I KNEW I should have been doing, my bank account is all kinds of FUCKED UP because of my carelessness.

And since then… its been a seesaw of the same.

Regardless of all of that, as I’m on this journey of self growth I am realizing more and more each day that the experiences of my past are the reason for that intuitive feeling. Over the last few days, I have come to see that the nagging feeling and little voice in my head are not there because I’m crazy or too cautious. It’s there because my unconscious thought senses déjà-vu.

The reality of it is that when we are not properly aligned, we cannot appreciate that gut feeling for what it really is: a direct connection to our third eye.

But I digress.

Let me say this for the sake of saying it. I can know something, and still need to go through the bad to implement and put into practice what I know. For example, I have known for a while that my chakras were not aligned properly. This is especially true about my root. My sense of security is so skewed that I’m often in dangerous situations and I put myself there on purpose.

The last few weekends I have had, I needed them to really get focused. Otherwise I would have probably half-assed my way into not doing anything I set forth to do (also something I’m working on). Also, this weekend helped me to realize that this journey is mine alone. I cannot expect the people I considered friends to understand or even support my decisions. It’s about ME.

Anywho, I will write all about my chakras and ties to other people later. Let’s get back to trusting your gut.

I think it is important for a person to be able to discern when they have a true gut feeling or if there are negative spirits impacting them. It’s difficult to put into words how to separate fear from intuition because it is a feeling, and since intangible. But that doesn’t make either entity any less real.

I have researched and read other people’s accounts with telling the difference between the two and found some interesting facts. It’s hard to explain or put my understanding into words without using a bunch of direct quotes and plagiarizing, therefore I am going to let my mind do what it does best.

I am going to tell the story.

This is a make believe account of a “schizophrenic” that would not leave her home because of an intuitive feeling (I placed quotations because I am skeptical about all diagnosis of the mind. Yes, it is definitely likely that there is something unbalanced or unhinged there, but I also believe that the answer is not to lock these people away or over medicate them to the point where they cannot think. But again, this is another discussion for another day.)

She went on to explain that this was self preservation, that the spirits were telling her this was the safe thing to do. If I were sitting in on this group session, I could not deny her story because I felt at times that the universe was also telling me to stay in my home. But then, the therapist leading the group began asking some exploratory questions that I never even thought to ask myself.

She asked how it felt to be at home. The young lady explained that she felt caged but protected. The therapist didn’t question it. In fact, she nodded as if accepting the contradictory answer.

She then asked if her gut feeling got stronger day by day. The young lady answered that it did, almost to the point of crushing her. Again, the therapist nodded.

The last thing she asked was if the “gut” had a voice. The young lady’s eyes widened and she replied that it sounded like her father. If I had been at previous sessions I would have known that the same father that had abused her as a child was the one she heard telling her to stay inside.

This alone would have been enlightening for me, had it happened. This alone would have helped me to develop my intuition, had I know what to question. But, this short story has made me realize a few things.

  • Intuition is supposed to be freeing. It is supposed to show that your connection with the things going on around you and your balance within has grounded you enough to influence your decisions based on what is best for you,without conscious thought. For the over-thinkers out there (like me), developing your intuition and trusting it is a life changer.
  • When dealing with fear, there is a negative feeling that will creep into your being.Fear will make you feel heavy and burdened. Even the definition of fear describes it as an “unpleasant” emotion often associated with anxiety, evil, panic, and terror. Although it is an automatic conditioned response to things that make us uncomfortable and things that are unfamiliar, it should not be a leader to how we live our lives. Giving into fear stunts growth.
  • Intuition is the unrestricted sense of knowing without time constraints, the need for logical thought, or understanding the why.Because the mind is limited by the things that it has learned and the methods by which it has learned, there may be a lack of perception in certain situations. A person can often get to the bottom of the why using logical thinking, but this may not occur until after the event in question (time restraints).
  • Fears are based on things that you believe to be true, even if they are not necessarily founded in anything.Unlike intuition, which does not take “truth” into consideration because it just is, fear can often be illogical and harmful to your existence. The true purpose of fear is to alert you that there is something in your psyche that you believe; however, this belief is not aligned with who you are. Taking this analysis, you can use fears to build a better sense of self by counteracting the negativity with dissecting the thing you are truly afraid of.
  • We will have to recognize that caution is not equal to fear. Being cautious means taking an extra step to avoid a situation thatcould be dangerous to our person or a mistake that could impact us and others. For example, being cautious of jay walking does not mean we are afraid of being hit by a car. It is a conscious decision that we make in order to prevent an accident.

I still have a lot to learn about fears and intuition. In the end, I know that this is a lifelong test that has to begin somewhere. Eventually, in a future post, I will do an analysis of the things I truly fear and try to address these individually and grow.

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